The “How Siddity Are You?” Quiz

Okay, quick, get a pen and paper because I have devised a sidditiness quiz! I know you all care so much and really, really want to know just how siddity you are! So here goes. Choose the answer that best fits you, and add up your points at the end. Scoring below.

1. Jack and Jill went up…
a) the hill to smoke some marijuana…haha! Prince Harry just loved that one when I told it to him at Met Bar last weekend, the naughty boy… (0)
b) the hill to fetch a pail of water. (+1)
c) the river to Sing-Sing, after robbing a couple of Russians in LeFrak City at gunpoint. (-1)
d) to the Cosmopolitan Suite of the Four Seasons, where the 200 person wedding reception for Reggie and Phyllis Johnson’s son Kenny and Frank and Sheila Brewster’s daughter Nicole was held, and wasn’t she just gorgeous in that Vera Wang gown when they jumped the broom? (+2)

2. Alma mater?
a) Uni? I’m supposed to remember? I think it might have been Wesleyan or Oberlin or something that ended with an “-en,” “-in” or “-an.” No, wait! I remember now! It was Amherst! I think… (O)
b) BC, Tufts, Berkeley, NYU, Ann Arbor, Emory or similar (+1)
c) Technically, it’s still awaiting accreditation, and I’m not exactly enrolled, since I’m still waiting to see if I can transfer my Associates’ credits from… (-1)
d) Ivy, Seven Sisters or Spelman (+2)

3. Which of the following pairs best with a nice yellowtail ceviche?
a) Oh god. I have my assistant arrange all that before I get there. (0)
b) Hmmm, I’ll take the blanc de blanc, thanks. (+1)
c) The Dom. Or the ’97 Perrier Jouet. (+2)
d) Heat, bitch. I know you better cook that shit! Talkin’ about it’s cooked by some damn lime juice. Do I look stupid to you? Hmph. (-1)

4. Spa Weekend in NYC! Where do you go?
a) Mamie’s Day Spa for overall relaxation, then John Barret for hair. Dinner at Vong. (0)
b) Pinky for nails, Bliss for skin and massage, Jelani for hair, dinner at Tavern on the Green. (+2)
c) Eve for one of their package deals. Then a stroll through the Village. I’ll eat wherever the food looks good. (+1)
d) The Dominican place up on 177th and Broadway for hair, that place with the Vietnamese dude for nails, a massage from my boo, and Cristal at 40/40. I wanna see Hova! (-1)

5. Your dream man/ring combo:
a) I’ll start with one of those British rock stars for marriage one ($250,000 yellow diamond), a finance or real estate tycoon for marriage two ($2.3 million pink diamond), and the third hubby will probably be some sort of wealthy, European noble (all 300 years worth of family jewels, baby. At least, until his family figures out how to get me written out of the will). (0)
b) Spent his formative years in Harvard Square–from Leverett House to the Kennedy School to Harvard Law–with an MBA from Wharton for kicks a few years later (4 marquis cut carats, platinum band). (+2)
c) Is always on the road, either touring or playing away games, so I have plenty of time to go out with my girls and spend his money in peace (custom-made diamond encrusted initial ring from Jacob the Jeweler–y’all ain’t married) (-1)
d) Hard working, honest good-guy–what he does is not important (his grandmother’s ring). (+1)

6. Favorite author?
a) Toni Morrison (+1)
b) Milan Kundera (+2)
c) Who has time to read? I like to keep up with the Booker Prize winners, though. They’re a good bet. (0)
d) Zane (-1)

7. Your home decor?
a) Which one? The chateau in Gestadt is very modern, very spare with high ceilings and lots of windows; the apartment in Paris is very Parisian chic–yellow and blue walls, Louis XV chairs…(0)
b) Shabby chic–lived-in but stylish, bright and airy, pastel and muted neutral tones…(+1)
c) Some people say it’s a bit austere, what with the antique dining set and the Victorian-re-creation fainting chaise, but I think they don’t know class. I had Oprah’s decorator come in and do the place. Did I mention that the building was designed by I.M. Pei? (+2)
d) Donatella would be jealous of your ability to honestly, and without a trace of irony, believe animal prints should be accented by nuclear-brights, and your Rent-a-Center toilet seat is 24K gold over sterling-silver. You ain’t Kimora yet, but just wait ’til you have Diddy’s baby–you’ll give that heffa a run for her husband’s money! (-1)

Okay, ready for scoring?
10 to 14 points: High Siddity. You are siddity personified. Condi comes to you for etiquette advice, B. Smith bases entire collections on your home color palette, and you just got off the phone with Oprah, who called to ask you what you thought about some recipes she was thinking of putting in the magazine. Or so you’d have us believe.

6-9 points: Pseudo Siddity. You’re not too siddity, though some who don’t have your refined sensibilities might think so. Your priorities are in order and you have good taste because you have good sense and live well, not because you work at it for the sake of showing off.

0-5 points: Pity the Siddity. You aren’t playing at anything or putting on airs–you are an heir. To a vast fortune built over many years by your international exec or megastar parent. Or you’re a supermodel. Or a really, really good whore. Excuse me, escort. Either way, you’re often found in the background of party shots in W and even though none of us have heard of you, you travel in some very elite circles and are totally slumming with this whole blog thing.

-7 to -1 points: Not-a-bit of Siddity. Sisterfriend, there is a ten foot wall between classy and assy, and you vaulted it years ago. I’d say more, but I’m afraid you’ll beat my ass and then run off with my iPod.

So. How’d you do?

72 Responses to “The “How Siddity Are You?” Quiz”

  1. 1 Mary

    Oh my dear Sid. This is Blog Hall of Fame stuff right here. Hilarious.

    I scored a 6, right under the wire. Lemme check again. Yeah, 7 take away the 1. No! I won’t tell you which one. Get off me, woman!

    Love ya.

  2. 2 bobbie

    7 points for me. Perfect not you but me, but a bit you too!

  3. 3 Shasta MacNasty

    Heat, bitch. I know you better cook that shit! Talkin’ about it’s cooked by some damn lime juice. Do I look stupid to you? Hmph. BWWAAAAA! (breathe) AAAHHHAHAHHHaahaaaaa…!

    Woooooo! Now you know where I lost one point. 😀 But I STILL managed to score a “9.” Yeesssss!

  4. 4 Zantiferous3

    ROFLMAO… you are silly and crazy… and I tried to call you back later to invite you to go bowling… but you didn’t answer the phone!!! BOOOO!!! But we’ve got to do lunch before I go!!!

  5. 5 Zantiferous3

    Oh forgot to tell you my score… 5. DAMMIT!!! LOL

  6. 6 Jazz

    I was seriously uppidy sidity, until……#5 and #7

    who wouldn’t want to live life with 3 different RICH husbands? Sounds fun. Oh yeah, and I love contemporary style so….

    that dropped my score down to 8 =(

  7. 7 K.

    Sid, this is some funny, funny shit! I scored a 7, and I’m shocked, because
    I’m a hood rat (or so I’ve been told).

  8. 8 Sid

    Y’all are crazy. I like how Jazz is upset that she isn’t high siddity, lol. Wish I could take my own damn quiz, but the results would be skewed, lol.

    Mary: fess up, dammit! WE all luhs you here. You don’t have to be scurred ;p

    X, I just knew you would be the the one to score in the 0-5, haha!

    and Keidra, if you’re a hood rat, dammit, I’m Lil Kim…

  9. 9 maryann

    a wonderful post-work post. effin’ hilarious!

    …i got a 7, by the way.

  10. 10 Mary

    Okay, okay – #2. I never graduated from college. Sigh. It’s never too late to go back!

  11. 11 Sid

    Mary–That’s all? Woman, I thought you were planning to bust out the photos of your Rent-a-Center toilet, LOL.

    It’s never too late to go back, you’ll probably appreciate it more if you go now than when you went because it was expected AAAAANNNND you’re damn smart as it is, so who cares?

    Love ya!

  12. 12 Mary

    Aw thanks Sid. 🙂

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