Siddity in the City

Something made me think of a college roommate’s ex.

She was brilliant, fiery, tiny. Political. Incidentally, Chinese.

He was brilliant, very chill, high most of the time, brilliant, funny, high, did I mention brilliant? Incidentally, Jewish.

Together, they were good. A bit volatile. But good. Ish.

It ended. For whatever reason. Doesn’t matter.

Anyway. She’s out in Cali now, grad school, same thing I got my M.S. in, but at a much better uni. Great things’ll come from that girl.

But she’s not the one I just Googled. I Googled him. I dunno why. Whim, I guess.

Turns out he’s doing a doctorate in his chosen field of brilliance. At her university. He’s married, too. But not to her.

He’s settled down with a good Jewish girl. Or I assume she’s good. Doesn’t matter, though. I just can’t see him with anyone other than my roommie.

I don’t know why this news so disturbs me. I suppose it’s just that, well, he seemed, they seemed, to be the kind of forward-thinking folks who’d never settle down. Huh.

Shit, he did so many drugs, I didn’t think he’d make it to grad school, let alone settle down and get a Ph.D. He should get an honorary degree in psychopharmacology, fergahdsakes.

I feel like he should be the anti-D.A.R.E. poster boy. See kids? You can do all the ’shrooms, weed, etc. you like. Drugs don’t make you a loser. You’re a loser–or not–to begin with! This guy did four solid years of hallucinogens, and he’s a top-school Ph.D.! Ha!

Perhaps what scares me is that it has happened. After all I’ve seen of him, and trust me, it is a fucking lot, he’s turned into an adult. What scares me more, though, is that I think I know a version of him 30 years on, and it isn’t pretty.

Maybe I’m just worried about when the grown-up stick’ll hit me, too.

Fuck.