This is gonna be one of those bitter posts.
Published by Sid September 14th, 2006 in city, life, bitchery. Tags: No Tags.Hi there. Been a while, I know, but I’m busy trying to set up a new life here in the Big City. Things were going okay, you know. I had some time, some change coming my way. But the time is dwindling, and the spare change, well.
Uncle Sam, it seems, has fucked me, taking fully half of it. So now I’ve got about 25% less “spare” than I was expecting. Which means I won’t be giving myself the “grace period” on finding new employment like I was hoping. Fuckin’ gub’mint.
To top it off, the apartment hunting resources I was counting on have, as they always do, turned out to have a million catches. Plus, people are goddamn crazy in this town and think it’s okay for three grown-ass people to share a studio…in Harlem’s ass (Or the “Upper West Side” as landlords and brokers are claiming these days, all the way the hell up in Morningside! The UWS ends at 96th St. bitches!)…and still pay damn near $1000 for the privilege.
Listen. I will either live with roommates in a complete shithole apartment below Central Park for a grand OR I will live in a lovely studio/1BR above 110th for a grand, but I will be hot-god-damned if I will pay a premium to be fucked with both, okay? AND I AM NOT GIVING SOME SLEAZY BIATCH BROKER 15% OF MY HARD-EARNED RENT MONEY TO DO SO. Bitches.
I’ve got cramps. Big, pulsing, clotty nasty cramps. TMI? My bad. And for the record, Duane Read tampons blow whale nuts. I wouldn’t even buy the fuckers except THEY ARE ALWAYS OUT OF MY FAVORITE KOTEX. CURSE YOU, DUANE READ!
Also, to the dirty, dirty cow who pissed all over the toilet seat in the third stall of the ladies’ locker room at my gym:
WHAT IN UNHOLY HELL WAS YOUR STUPID ASS DOING THAT YOU MANAGED TO GET YOUR PISS THAT FAR UP THE SIDE OF THE SEAT? THE BACKWARDS PISSING TOOTSIE ROLL?
Clean up after yourselves, people. There is no excuse for that bullshit. Fuckin’ fuck.
For most of the post I was like “You poor dear” and then I got to the last paragraph. I believe the phrase “backwards pissing tootsie roll” nearly had me spraying water at the screen.
Oh Sid
I know how the cramps feel. It’s like the last friggin straw. Now as for the heifer who marked her territory - nasty.
Sid, I’m so sorry you are having a hard time BUT this shit was hilarious! I hope things get better soon!
Oh the backwards pissing tootsie roll….. A new classic!!!!! Thanks for that. Sorry you had to experience it, but thanks for the laugh