I see you’ve been honing those acting chops lately. You’ve gone from Van Wilder and Blade to The Nines and…well. You know, something else respectable will come along, I’m sure.
I’d like to reward your efforts with a little proposition, kid, a part that will really stretch those thespian muscles.
Picture it: Chicago…limited engagement….
You with me so far, baby? Good, good.
Nightly performances…an adoring audience….
Hey, pay attention, dollface, you still listening?
Role of a lifetime. You ready?
Sid’s Personal Human Dinnerware.
Comedy! You will laugh like mad as I nibble comestibles from your superbly crafted abdominals!
Suspense! Where will my incisors wander next? Is it possible to isolate your upper left ab WITH MY TEETH?
Drama! Somehow, we’ll work in subtitles. You’re Canadian. Your foreign…ality automatically lends the production dramatic cred.
Romance! Glade Scent Stories and…ah, fuck it. Teh Sex is enough.
So whaddya say kid, you interested? You gotta let me know quick, ’cause I’m also in talks with Teh Bale’s people, though we can work in parts for both of you, if that interests…
Whazzat? ScarJo whowha?
GODDAMNIT! That girl gets to sleep with EVERYBODY. BOOOOO, ScarJo, booooo!
You stay away from The Bale, you hear!
I have been a fan since Mr. Reynolds was a boy, in the Nickelodeon Canadian teen soap, Fifteen, where he played Ashley’s little brother Billy, and in this movie, where he done larned us all about satyagraha.
Damn, he’s grown up into a fine specimen.
K: I am afraid you cannot have Teh Bale. And by “cannot have” I mean, “I will fight you TO THE PAIN FOR THE BALE!” How many Teh Bale movies do you own? How many times did you see Batman Begins in theaters? Hmmmmm? I saw it THREE TIMES. ONCE IN IMAX! And I own it…and American Psycho….and…
*Battle Stance* Listen, woman, you can have Kaneshiro. Teh Bale? Is minez!
Happy Sunday.
Orange: He has grown up into a fine specimen. Sadly, I have no pure interests in his acting skillz. I am purely interested in his remarkable body, and his face when he has a beard. I’m a picky bitch like that,
“*Battle Stance* Listen, woman…”
:::DEAD:::
“…you can have Kaneshiro…”
:::BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE…Gives K. the “If-you-know-what’s-good-for-you” stare:::
All y’all can fight for the bale and the whatsisface…
BUT RYAN REYNOLDS IS MINE….
Why?
1. I own Blade: Trinity
2. Blade Trinity is mentioned three times on my blog
3. Ryan’s mentioned once, but the aforementioned three should count
4. I love him with or without facial hair
5. I actually PPVd Just Friends solely so I could look at him
6. I will actually use the words “cock-juggling thundercunt” in public–and aim them at some person
7. I used to watch Two Guys, A Girl & The Pizza Joint…again, just so I could look at him…it was just icing that I also got to look at Nathan Fillion too!
8. I like Molsons and Labatts
face it, I WIN!
Michelle:
Your points are all valid, and well-taken.
You can have Reynolds…when he’s clean shaven, and when I’m not eating ice cream from his navel, etc. I think that’s plenty fair. That leaves you plenty of time to do with him as you will. At least 12 hours per day.
That’s my final offer.
Dude, I saw Batman Begins FIVE times in the theater. Boo-yah! I either get Bale or Kaneshiro. I’ve got ninja skillz! I’ll take a bitch down!
Quietly.
“Cock-juggling thundercunt”
?
!
Is it wrong that I think that’s cool?
Boooooo K! IMAX COUNTS FOR AT LEAST TWO VIEWINGS! AND I OWN THE DVD! I has win!
You can have Kaneshiro I tell you. Take your attempts to horde manflesh to the Shasta’s blog!
Heh.
Shas: It’s one of the best lines in blade Trinity. Everyone thinks it’s cool. You’re safe.
Shas: it’s a line i’ve tucked into my internal system so i can use it on that ‘really special’ person sometime. feel free to use it with me!
Sid: UHHHH, NO! I’m a sharing kind of girl, until it comes to the RR, then I shares no mores. We will have to have a wizard duel to the death…or better, a vampire slay-off for this hunk of manmeat.
I say we all meet up at Zaca Tacos to settle the matter.
Am I the only one mad at RR for dating a 22 y/o? Anyone? Anyone? Oh well, I will sit alone with my age-ism since there’s no men left for me anyway! hmpH!
Really, all anyone needs to know about the RR is that in Blade: Trinity, he deftly pulled off that delicate scene owing to his superb dramatic skills. You know the scene–imprisoned by a vampire, cleverly battling against said vampire by emitting flatus after eating hearty amounts of garlic? Outdoing anything Buffy the Vampire Slayer ever came up with? Oh yes.