On celebrity mating rituals.
Published by Sid August 6th, 2007 in beefcake, Celebrity. Tags: No Tags.Regarding Ryan Reynolds and his selfish misuse of his masculine splendor, Mary said “Am I the only one mad at RR for dating a 22 y/o? Anyone? Anyone? Oh well, I will sit alone with my age-ism since there’s no men left for me anyway! hmph!”
Aside from the fact that Mary, you don’t get to complain about there being no men left for you because YOU ALREADY HAVE AN AWESOME ONE STOP BEING GREEDY!, I am not angered in the slightest by this, for I understand mysterious workings of the celebrity mating ritual.
Celebrities use an archaic system of partnering not unlike the “dance cards” young women used to assign dances to beaus at 18th and 19th century balls. At some point, everyone will get passed around.
RR’s card might look like this:
April-August 2007: Scarlett Johansson (waltz)
September-November 2007: lemonade
December 2007-March 2008: Megan Fox/Justin Timberlake: Jessica Biel (quadrille)
April 2008-September 2010: Marriage, Dakota Fanning (polonaise)
September 2010-October 2010: divorce D. Fanning over affair with E. Fanning, lemonade
And so on.
See? No worries. Today, Scarlet Johansson, tomorrow, Helen Mirren. It all evens out.
You mean just cuz I have a hunk of man meat taking up space in my bed every night, I can’t play the celeb man candy game anymore? That’s… so… unfair… Sid… sniff!
As for that card business, my head just exploded at the possiblities! The mind, it boggles!
Nice, very nice. It was well worth the tea I splurted all over the keyboard.
Is it just me, or is the word “splurt” ridiculously der-tee!?