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1. Find half-eaten quart of yogurt, expiry a month ago, in back of fridge.
2. Sniff test.
3. Taste test.
4. Consume yogurt, and wait for either uncontrollable vomiting, or…not.

Repeat all steps as needed with questionable foodstuffs, taking at least one culinary risk per 90-day period, to keep gastrointestinal tract on its proverbial toes.

*Author is not a nutrition or healthcare professional and takes no responsibility for any illness caused should you actually be foolish enough to follow these steps.


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